Afraid

I'm afraid to be alone, I'm afraid not to be alone. I'm afraid of what I am, what I'm not, what I might become, what I might never become. I'm afraid to leave. And I'm just tired, you know? I'm just so tired of being afraid.
-Michelle Pfeiffer

Honey and the moon

Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up - now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
And deep
As the sea
But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom,
Where no one lives.

Remember when we first met
And everything was still a bet
In love's game
You would call; I'd call you back
And then I'd leave
A message
On your answering machine

Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom, freedom
Run away
Run away tonight

We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without
A fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights
Up my night

We got too much time to kill
Like pigeons on my windowsill
We hang around

Ever since I've been with you
You hold me up
All the time I've falling down

Youth is wasted on the young

Do you miss me?

Here comes the hot feeling again
When i hear his name
I clearly have no control
Can't help wondering
Do you miss me?

Heart cooks brain

My brain's the burger and my heart's the coal
I'm trying to get my head clear
I push things out through my mouth i get refilled through my ears
My brain's the weak heart, and my heart's the long stairs
My brain's the cliff, and my heart's the bitter buffalo
We tore one down, and erected another there
The match of the century: absence versus thin air
My brain's the burger and my heart's the coal
on this life that we call home
the years go fast and the days go so slow
Heart cooks brain, you know?

I just can't

i can't. i can't i can't i can't.
i can't do this anymore. its going to kill me. i just can't. i need to move on.
but.
i can't stop loving him. i can't and i need to because its the worst thing ever.
i can't because thinking of everything that happened literally makes me sick to my stomach.
i can't because he's the only one i ever think about.
he's the one i don't want to think about, but i cannot stop.
i can't because i never got to kiss him again, i never felt his breath between my lips again.
i can't because i spend my days fantasizing about him surprising me,
showing up on my doorstep, telling me he made a mistake.
i can't because i don't even know if he chose her.
i don't even know because he is so confusing and frustrating
and he makes everything so unclear.
i can't because he might still have feelings for me.
there is that sliver of a chance and while i know its probably not true,
it makes it impossible to let go.
i can't because i think about being in his arms every second.
the hairs of his beard brushing my cheek gently.
the feeling of his warmth beneath my fingers.
i can't because the way our fingers intertwined was perfect.
it felt warm and soft and right.
i can't because he understood me.
he just got me, right from the start.
and i don't find that often. not often at all.
i can't because we would be perfect together.
i know we would. and it's too hard for me to give up on that.
i can't because EVERYTHING makes me think of him.
cooking. surfing. wine. travelling. nose rings.
and every time i see them im completely overwhelmed.
i can't because i practically start crying in the middle of the gym when a song comes on that makes me think of him. which is a lot of songs.
i can't because i've tried and it doesn't work. i want to stop so much.
its just not going to happen.
i can't because you promised
i can't because i imagined our insane, amazing, beautiful future and it's all i want.
i thought it was really going to happen and now the pain is eating me up.
i can't because i want him more than i've ever wanted anything.

i can't breathe. i can't focus. i can't be without him. i can't go the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like.

i just can't.

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/

At this moment ..

"At this moment there are six billion, five hundred and two million, eight hundred and sixty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty people in the world, give or take a few and sometimes all you need is one. For better or for worse."

Truth and time tells all

Forget me - not

I’m going to forget how I felt about you.
Just like you forgot how you felt about me.

Have you ever been in love?

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

I went searching for my heart the other day
and found that it was gone.

You and I

I saw you
I met you
I liked you
I kissed you
I fell for you

And then
You kissed me
You touched me
You fell for me

And then
You left me
You told me it wasnt forever
I believed you

And then
You forgot me

And now it's like i never existed to you
You've forgotten
You've gone
Your not coming back for me like you promised


You're still on my mind
I fell or I was falling
But you forgot
And now you only exist in my mind

Will you ever return ?
Will you ever remember ?

Sometimes it seems we are not let down by our own expectations but to the way things just turn out.

It just sucks