I haven’t gotten out of this bed.
or had any human contact.
or had anything to eat.
or changed out of my jeans.
or had the desire to do any of the above.
12 hours, laying in bed, listening to music with my eyes shut, trying not to think about you anymore, trying not to feel anything.
but now i’m scared because it’s working.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Onesided
Tonight.
You will tell me that your leaving again.
You want to live your life, and chase your dreams..
But thats what you are to me
I’ve been living in dreams, since I was fifteen
I’ll tell you not to leave at the top of my lungs
But still your bags are packed, then you will be gone
Sometimes I feel like this is one sided you know?
When you leave, I'll chase after you right away.
But me, when I leave, I dont know if you would come after me.
I’ll think of you daily, I wont expect it from you
But i’ll wait for you. Even if you don’t
You will tell me that your leaving again.
You want to live your life, and chase your dreams..
But thats what you are to me
I’ve been living in dreams, since I was fifteen
I’ll tell you not to leave at the top of my lungs
But still your bags are packed, then you will be gone
Sometimes I feel like this is one sided you know?
When you leave, I'll chase after you right away.
But me, when I leave, I dont know if you would come after me.
I’ll think of you daily, I wont expect it from you
But i’ll wait for you. Even if you don’t
Tomorrow I'm getting away
Tomorrow I'm getting away.
I'm leaving the city.
I'm clearing my head.
I'm puzzling pieces together.
I'm reconnecting.
I'm discovering.
I'm exploring.
I'm answering questions.
I'm slowing down.
Tomorrow I'm getting away and this time it's for me.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
1 week to go
You must have stumbled across the key, and discovered so much more.
You found a hidden place in me, you found my heart and opened the door.
And i cried in pain of losing you next week.
Will it ever be the same again?
If it passes, will it be the end?
I realised it was worth so much, as i lay in bed at night.
So i allowed my soul to be touched, without even putting up a fight.
Someday i will see, though that day has not come yet.
I'm ridicously happy and comfortable with the way things are now.
You say you love me, but will you ever forget?
If that happens and my spirit dies, if my emotions drop, will you want to hold me when i cry? or will the love just suddenly stop?
We can’t expect to fall in love and never cry.
You’ll stay and play your part, but after the beauty starts to die,
will your footprints still be on my heart?
Though it would be hard to say goodbye, we will always be.
As long as we always try, to keep the friendship between you and me.
After this life is over, you’ll be one person i know i’ll miss.
It’ll be too late to start over, and so i leave you with this..
I’ll hold you for a lifetime, if you’ll just hold my hand.
We could have a wonderful time, in the days we have not yet planned.
You found a hidden place in me, you found my heart and opened the door.
And i cried in pain of losing you next week.
Will it ever be the same again?
If it passes, will it be the end?
I realised it was worth so much, as i lay in bed at night.
So i allowed my soul to be touched, without even putting up a fight.
Someday i will see, though that day has not come yet.
I'm ridicously happy and comfortable with the way things are now.
You say you love me, but will you ever forget?
If that happens and my spirit dies, if my emotions drop, will you want to hold me when i cry? or will the love just suddenly stop?
We can’t expect to fall in love and never cry.
You’ll stay and play your part, but after the beauty starts to die,
will your footprints still be on my heart?
Though it would be hard to say goodbye, we will always be.
As long as we always try, to keep the friendship between you and me.
After this life is over, you’ll be one person i know i’ll miss.
It’ll be too late to start over, and so i leave you with this..
I’ll hold you for a lifetime, if you’ll just hold my hand.
We could have a wonderful time, in the days we have not yet planned.
Peter Pan
“Never say good-bye because saying good-bye means going away, and going away means forgetting” — Peter Pan
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
It's time for you to choose
So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face and not just the things you do
Go tell him how my wrist is sore
from pulling at my insides all night
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you
It's time for you to choose
the bullet or the chapstick
And you are far too cute or whatever he said
I begin to hate you for your face and not just the things you do
Go tell him how my wrist is sore
from pulling at my insides all night
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you
It's time for you to choose
the bullet or the chapstick
And you are far too cute or whatever he said
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive.I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive.I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
YOU
I'm living in a cloud of smoke
My lungs are black and raw
So, I'm not alright
I'm broken inside..
And all i go through
Leads me back to YOU
My lungs are black and raw
So, I'm not alright
I'm broken inside..
And all i go through
Leads me back to YOU
Friday, March 26, 2010
"Wild Wolves" by Athlete
My soul is a dark place
And my soul is a lonely one
And I'm not alone
I'm not alone
Lies.
"You can lie to others, but not to yourself, you put on your mask and tell your lies to walk away and cry"
Your name...
I woke up with your name in my head...
If it was thanks to a good dream, I wouldn't bother writting about it.
Trapped
I'm trapped in a vicious circle of expectation and then disappointment.
But what if I'm wrong about the way I feel.
All I know is I'm alone, and a mess.
But what if I'm wrong about the way I feel.
All I know is I'm alone, and a mess.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Greeky Mythology
According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.
Too late
I think in the end being this attached to somebody who is leaving will only hurt me. And I know that, but I just can't. I know it will mess me up and I wont want to be without him but I'm far too deep in now.
It's far too late now for both of us.... but I'm headed for disaster.
6 Months
Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I wish I had a crystal ball
Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong
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