Forgetting you

I know I said I was carefree that day. Because I felt that all the hope and shelter I needed was from you. Holding your hand was enough for me. But at the same time, the wind fastened the beat of my heart. I was terrified. Yet, I never moved because, whether you think I’m stupid or not, I never wanted to be without you.

I felt dizzier just by watching the clouds today. So I sat up. I felt like vomiting. In a way, I wish I did. It would have been a relief for me, like starting new. Memories are supposed to be held close to the heart. But I wish I had nothing to do with you anymore. It just hurts way too much.

It may take longer than i want to recover from this. The pain at times is unbearable.
I am lost.
I am alone.
I am confused.
I am insecure.
I am broken.
I am damaged.
I am twisted.
I am weak.
I am struggling at times to make sense of how quickly things changed.
I am afraid to fall for the same sepcies that has already had the power to break me and leave me once before.
But I am hopeful.
I am strong.
I am brave.
I am tough.
I am going to feel alive again.

I'm good at denying my feelings or avoiding the talk about my emotions but although I say i have forgotten i will never forget how quickly it is to be unloved and forgotten. And although i say i dont care, it burns a deep hole through my tounge everytime i speak these lies.

Seconds, mintues, hours, days, weeks and months pass by and i deny the amount of time i sit around and miss you. I'll miss the days when i forget you all together and love someone new. And although I may have found a new somebody in my life, i cant help but remember what if and why?

So I'm moving on without you and I'm going to be just fine but It's crazy to think how significant people and parts in our lives are so hard to forget when we are trying so hard too.